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Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in Hans Ubermannschaft's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2002
11:14 pm
I almost got into a murderous rage today. Don't think I've ever been this pissed off in my entire life other than at times w/ my dad. Here's what happened. My friend was supposed to pick me up today after school b/c I had to stay to make up a quiz. I ended up not taking it and I waited for 30 minutes for him to come get me. 30 minutes later he didn't show up. That's ok, I didn't expect him to be on time anyways cuz he never is and never will be. So I try calling him and a few other people but couldn't get intouch of anyone spending all my damn money on the broken pay phone that eats my quarters everytime I make a call whether it goes through or not. 30 minutes later I finally get in touch w/ my friend Matt. I tell him to call a few people and ask if they can get me a ride but he couldn't get intouch w/ anyone either. Then I told him to call Asshole at his house cause his cell doesn't work. I call back and see what's up and he says that Asshole has his cock jammed in sub and he'll be here in 5 min. Well he heard wrong and b/c Asshole said 45. I forgive Matt b/c he was stoned off his ass but Asshole Cocksucker doesn't have any excuse not to have the decency to remove his cock from the sub and see check the time. I end up waiting another 30 minutes so it's like fucking 4 already, school ended at 2:35 so I've been waiting there for a hour and a half. 30 minutes later Asshole doesn't show up, i try calling his house number and he picks up. I was like wtf nigger wtf are you doing still at your damn house and throw a big fit over the phone and he's like "Oops, it's 3 already?" im like "no bitch it's 4!!!!! ARGGG*#(@&$*#@$ MOTHERFUCKER!!!" "ok let me ramming my cock in box, it'll only take 5 seconds." Well, it didn't take 5 seconds and he ended up showing at 4:30 . I'm like wtf nigger what the fuck took so long? He doesnt apologize or anything and turns it on me saying im being a bitch for bitching him out. then he goes on about how he had to finish installing his box b/c he started on it and wasn't gonna drop what he's doing to come pick me up!!!! Goddamn cocksucker! I've been waiting here at school for 2 godless hours and he couldn't finish installing it later??? I swear it took all my willpower to not punch him in the face at that moment.

Monday, September 2nd, 2002
9:39 am
This poem is titled Methamphetamine
I don't sleep and I don't eat,
Methamphetamine is all I need,
A rock for you, a rock for me,
Do your rails and feel free,
Never fails, can't you see,
It makes jail jubilee,
Rise and hail, our new found passion,
It can stop affirmative action,
Snort that bitch up my nostril,
Feelin good... Now I go lift an anvil.

Finish the chores and do all the homework,
Do at leisure what'd make me berserk,
Cleaning the toilet isn't a dread,
If you've got methamphetamine in your head.

Roll that dolla up my balla,
Snort a line and give a holla,
But don't get greedy for Mr.Speedy,
Or there won't be none left for the needy.

Yes I'm the greatest, defeat my foes,
Oh ah...There's a fire up in my nose,
Drilling through my mucus like a train,
All the way up to my brain,
Don't sweat it...You will learn to love that burn,
You writhe in pain...it's my turn!

Breakin' up another line,
Another line, another line,
One more line for the road,
I will stop, when my membranes corrode,
Tweakin out and about to explode,
I can out-hop an African horned toad,
One more line, o one more line,
Just two more lines and I'll be fine!

Now...break out the bulb sir, I'm bored with the lines,
When it starts smoking, give me a sign,
I then will commence inhale,
Dunno if any is left still,
Wipe the pail and find the grail,
Then fire it up and examine the exhale,
Toxic fumes rising from chimneys,
Fuel exhaust enticing many,
Damn it's cached :(...well, there's perhaps a little tiny bit,
You can try, probably won't hit,
It did hit, I was wrong,
I've been up for too long.

Sniff...all is gone :(...load another bowl,
Another bowl? Why, yes please...
Snorting it makes me sneeze...

Yes is what I want to hear,
Bad idea to stop right there,
Break out the bag, don't be a queer,
I will stab you with my spear,
Don't suppress, do progress,
Finish all that we possess.

Firin' up another bowl,
Another bowl, another bowl,
Come'on dude mend my soul,
Set the goal, two more bowls,
There's no sense in gun control,
So why won't you load a bowl.

"Who wants this little bit here,"
My mind is clear, I've no fear,
"I'll do it", I volunteered.

It feels so good, and it feels so real,
Ring up W*****d cut a deal,
Here he comes, my benefactor,
Dishing it out like a tractor,
Peanut butter, or pink champagne?
...Only apathy in my brain,
It's all good if you ask me.

Hand me the sack, I wanna see,
Looks like good shit, yes sir ree.

Another night another high,
Just repeat till you die,
Sure I look 40 when I'm 18,
But at least now my house is clean.

Current Mood: stressed
Wednesday, August 14th, 2002
5:07 am
I can't sleep :(
I just realized how fuckin depressed I am. It's like a dark ominous hole... so deep you can't see the bottom. It's an abyss, I'm a sunken boat falling deeper and deeper until i hit the bottom. I look at the future w/ dread. Nothing ever feel right. It seems that i never fit in whenever i socialize, like there is always something missing. I can't do anything right. I view everything that's happened to me in the past negatively w/ the deepest of regrets.
I try to look on the bright side of things but the dark evil always lurks behind. I tell myself that things will turn out alright in the end but now i feel like i know it's false. Whenever i think i think too much and get depressed and if i dont think i feel like im just lying to myself.
What am i gonna do??
God somebody help me :((((((((

Current Mood: depressed
Thursday, August 8th, 2002
4:43 am
A Thin White Line
A thin white line,
Malign - yet benign,
To my will it will abide,
As I stare it glows,
A vibe that hides,
Never shows,
Sniff sniff sniffle,
Farewell to lifesavings.
To my will it will abide,
A small white lie.

Thank you, thank you.
Saturday, July 27th, 2002
5:20 am
I had some twacked out dreams last night. Recently I've noticed my dreams are becoming more and more sophissticated instead of the randomly flow of thoughts that are connected by our body's personal experience. Movement appears to be following all the laws of physics except when I run, which feels like im in water. and the dream would develope about a center issue as opposed to the chaotic and plotless dreams that my younger brain would to conjure up. Naturally they are disgustingly unfresh. I wouldnt eat it. so irratic only the infinitive limits of my imagination can give it a boundary. AS of the moment I can't finish this journal entry b/c i just popped some rameron...and I'm dozing on and off and am worried id pass out pretty soon.
HOLY SHATZBOTZZZ!!! I just had a hallucination of matt and it scared the shit out of me!!!!!! He was leaning on top of the monitor on my desk (this is impossible b/c my desk faces the wall) peering down on me w/ a stack of office papers under his forearm. He's giving off this aura of subtle inquiry about me...wondering if im prepared to work my ass off, and he's gonna feel like an asshole today...kind of reminds me of a cop. im also picking up movement of people's arms in my periferial waving back and forth at me, but as i turn the image would linger in the black nothingness, which in this place for a split second and vanish... im seeing some pretty scary shit right now. I looked up and saw tendrils of ferns unfolding out of my monitor, then the plant turned into a well built goblin creature that was trying to get out, when i look at it would the image would change again, this time into a rodent doing some balancing act trying not to fall back into my monitory, which now has an absurd lamp i believe set on top of it and hands reaching out of the hollow box
i felt the presence of wei standing next to me w/ his arms stretched out shaking a pack of cigs in my face, intending for me to one. the only kid im not annoyed of is that teenagehe's pretty good w/ shoi 0
anyway i think i should get some sleep
Wednesday, July 10th, 2002
11:28 pm
After reading http://www.livejournal.com/users/chemical/ 's recent post I felt the need that I too should contribute my part to ameliorate the needless suffering that plagues our gentle planet daily, starving children with no homes, and no loving parents to turn to, millions of dying Africans that could've been saved by handfuls of condoms, and soft cuddly animals that should be in the loving care of an American home, instead, being sold on ravenous Asian markets and subsequently stir-fried.
I want to help those less fortunate and regain some face lost in our shameful way of life that we Americans live, a life marked by a surfeit of unprincipled doctrines and gluttony.

Blog-a-thon is a wonderful site in which users sign up, and get a cause to sponsor. Then the blogger is required stay up for 24 hours on July 27, 2002, and add post every half hour. The sponsors they acquire for their site donate money for a cause that they're raising funds for. My cause is for Coolaid for Retards which is an organization in the United Kingdom that raises money to get clean Coolaid for the mentally incompetent that can't get it. My organization supports the gift of coolaid for all kinds of retards including retards with down-syndrome, retards with that disease named after the baseball player Lou Gehrig, retards that have the same problem as Steven Hawking, and other kinds of retards, and midgets.

Retards are people too you know... You shouldn't make fun of them just b/c they look and smell like a freak, no matter how disgusting they are. How would you like it if you cant wipe your own shit and drool on yourself and you can't do anything about it. It's not fair that we make fun of them b/c of their disabilities, and that's why I am working hard on trying to correct the wrongful image of retards viewed by everyone in the world. They're not just funny looking people that hits things and screams jibberish whenever they're upset. They have feelings too and shouldn't be killed just b/c they serve no purpose but to put a lot of stress on the people that take care of them and wipe their shit for them, or that all they do is eat and sleep and sometimes gets in the way of the mat ball. If you kill them, you will never know what they could've become. Look at George Bush for example. Anyway, save the retards, support my cause, and feed them Coolaid. It'll prove that you're a good person and make you feel better about yourself.

Current Mood: horny
Sunday, June 23rd, 2002
8:12 am
I need painkillers ='(
Depression is treatable...depending on the root of the problem. For some people it's superficial. like death of a family member, so your grandma died, oh well, she sleeps all day anyway and the world enjoys the scent of flowers fertilized by her body, but for others...I don't know... there's too much hate in this world and not enough love, and it can't all be love b/c we wont evolve...that's the sad part...we hate whenever we dont get something we want...it's essential, along w/ other emotions, to give us incentive to out maneuver all the other guys...keeps us active and our minds strong. We evolved to be this way, so any other way would be imperfect and your genes wont survive.
Depression is a sad thing...it picks at you and fuck you up in everything you do. Your daily activities suffer, your friends, all your relationships, everything goes to hell. why do we have it then, what's the fucking point? i know that nature meant for it as a que that things aren't going smoothly..but society shaped it into something different...animals dont kill themselves...is it another reason then?? i think about it and it only gets worse ='(
There are two ways that people live their life. When a depressing situation arrises, they can either let it bother them for awhile, forget about it and move on and know that it's all good and things are out for the better, or they can delve deeper and deeper into it and let it stick in the back of their minds and affect everything they do...once you start doing that you'll keep going until it destroys you inside, it's a rollercoaster, you start out high...drop a few stories...then go through some loops...then the juice is gone...you hit rock bottom...and never get back up...
you're one way or the other...would i be happier the other way?
rhetorical question
Children start out the first way, happy...carefree, but then they grow up and experience the world as it is and they diverge, fall into the dark side, and...it seems...never get back up...

Current Mood: depressed
Saturday, June 22nd, 2002
8:43 am
I ran into this when i was reading a post about X

"The result of lessed serotonin stores, as mentioned above, are characterized by disruptions in normal sleeping and eating patterns, difficulty in verbal processing and committing facts to short term memory, as well as irritatiblity."

Key point is difficulty in verbal processing, which is a major symptom for me, and even worsens the depression a little. Irritability is another but I'm good at controlling that, though sometimes i let things slip that i wish i could take back.
I'm gonna run down to the store and buy a few bottles of 5 HTP which maintains your serotonin level...and has other uses...
Tuesday, May 21st, 2002
8:21 pm
Cat's got my tongue, and I'm going to get it back and wear the cat as a hat.
When i got this livejournal i always thought i'd write in it more...but i dont. I think it's because my verbal skills aren't very developed so when i start writing something i can't put my thoughts into words and that stops me most of the times. Although im very intelligent, i think, in math and other fields my verbal skills lag behind, but I still find it extremely easy to understand what other people are trying to say and what they're thinking of when they say it, which isn't a big deal b/c humans are supposed to understand each other very easily since we're mostly the same and think basically the same way. People who dont are genetically different in brain matter or just plain idiotic which happens quite often...maybe too often. yes, way too often.
Back to what i was saying...
in english class whenever we have to write an essay i can never think of what to write and when i do write something, the sentences dont sound very smooth at all. i still manage to get a decent grade on them. i know my essays suck but my teacher doesn't so that's all good, I usually throw in some big words to fool her, heh heh heh... That's another thing, i have a large vocabulary and i did REALLY damn good on my SAT but i can't make sentences worth shit. i think part of my cognitive difficulty comes from my family, ive never really had an intelligent conversation w/ them, and never had any small talk either. growing up like that does put a burden on your social skills. Also i think my slight ADD has something to do w/ it. It's kind of hard to explain but ADD causes you to try and push it out all at once, so as it is w/ shitting it'll hit the water and splash on your ass. and usually you dont have the complete thought but you're in such a hurry to get it out that you just fart. All this sucks for me but im improving, and w/ a few hits of acid and a bottle of ritalin i'll pull through.

Current Mood: depressed --> always is =(
Wednesday, May 15th, 2002
4:30 pm
Ritalin rocks!!
I had a physics test that I HAD to pass since i got a 48 on the last one...popped two conserta in the morning and i was sped up the rest of the day like a hyperactive wiener dog. Conserta and meth are in the same family group, i think, which explains the slight jaw clench. Plus i skipped lunch, and for once i sat through precalc w/o passing out trying to factor complex polynomials. I think im going to try to get prescribed to them for extensive use throughout college. ADHD is quite a wonderful disease dont you say?

Update--- failed the fucking test again so now it's up to the finals, which ill pass w/ a little help from my friend Ader heh heh heh...
Sunday, May 12th, 2002
12:05 am
A involveD thesis In the constituting value of human Complexus for Kognitive discretion (or DICK for short)
I was listening to a trance song and through the duration of the song i felt like i was coming up on X. I got butterflies in my stomach and got a rush of energy and shit. This was the first song i listened to on my first tab so maybe that had something to do w/ it. But, if i knew anything about meditating to achieve Nirvana this is probably related somehow. Actually I have two theories:

One, i believe the monk "tricks" his brain into releasing serotonin with pseudo-stimulus that his mind and body think is real. I came up with this idea from watching a PBS show on jellyfishes. A jellyfish has no central nervous system but instead a web of nerves that responds to stimulus outside and electric impulses from other nerves. So if a nerve is touched it sends electricity to the other nerves and the other nerves will respond by contracting muscles and it'll swim away Basically it's somewhat like a robot. Since we evolved from simple animals like the jellyfish we do things more or less the same way. But we're much smarter than a jellyfish (at least i am) so we can make better decisions. SO if we force our minds into forcing our minds, by meditating or whatever, to send stimulus that makes us release serotonin then we'll be happy all the time like monks.

Even so, monks aren't always in a state of bliss because they keep themselves from overindulging which in turn gives them a reason to keep up their body functions instead of just meditating until they look like ethiopians.

anyhow, i forgot the second theory as i was typing that one. this one sounds so good the second one was probably wrong anyway.

So in conclusion, we learned the DICK theory and it's implications on life.
Tonight i want you all to go home and think hard about dick.

Current Mood: confused
Thursday, May 9th, 2002
7:47 pm
How to begin my first journal entry...? I dont know.
For those of you who dont know me, i go to cinco ranch high school, the gayest high school in texas(maybe the world) and live in Katy, which gayness my school reflects. if you're looking to move here, DONT. I personally can't stand living here anymore. I'm surrounded by wealthy high-class white anglo saxon protestants who drives fuckin bentleys and porsches and lexuses and GTis and it's not fuckin fair!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG!!!

Current Mood: annoyed
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